Once again I find myself in this zone of uncompromising hurriedness. Why I feel so incapacitated with the sense that time is running away from me is unclear. I feel that I am wasting so much of it doing the things society deems appropriate i.e.: working. It isn’t the idea of working which perturbs me; it is the idea of being caught in a position which I no longer enjoy….where the future blurs into series of days, which in essence are the same…a ground hog day phenomena. Some days seem to be particularly more sordid than others, however I am becoming increasingly more aware that the days between the sordidness and the blissful ignorance of unawareness are exponentially becoming fewer and fewer.

I probably ought to feel grateful to be in a position where the biggest problem I face, is in choosing a path to follow with regards to a career change. Let me tell you the engineering profession can be a little dry and uneventful. My work entails drawing lines and circles….I don’t even have the prestige of designing the lines and circles, I merely interpret the numbers someone else crunched.

I have worked on some fairly prestigious infrastructure projects here in Sydney over the last two or three years and almost feel as if their isn’t anything new I can learn. I feel trapped in a way. I have the dreaded “performance appraisal” next week. I say dreaded in a sarcastic tone. I’m not really dreading it…in a way, it is a mere formality…..a way for the employer to appear to be taking an interest in the employee….nothing really comes of it….It is my own fault, I don’t actively pursue the benefits of training that may come out of it. I’m just winging and no amount of it is going to change a damn thing. Tomorrow will arrive and I will more than likely be in a similar position as I was in today, although today on a ground hog rating scale was about a 5 so it wasn’t too bad considering the worst rating is a 10.