Archive for August, 2006


Overclocking and happiness?

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Apart from overclocking time at work….(45 hour weeks are becoming old pretty fast let me tell you), overclocking this mobo is not really happening. Seems to be Gigabyte boards are not too crash hot when it comes to clocking up some extra CPU ticks. Just isn’t meant to be I guess…I could use Easy Tune 5 to gain some extra performance outta this little number but in the end is it really going to be worth the extra 5 or 10 percentage points?

Its not like I am going to gain an extra 5 percentage points on the happiness stakes either. All it will give me is distraction. It seems that I am on an endless spiral of distraction…what am I distracting from? It is a good question…Not sure if I have a good answer. Answers are far and few between. Are there any answers? What is the question? Ohh yes! What is happiness? Am I happy? Is it important to pursue happiness? Why? Is it possible to live comfortably in a semi state of dissatisfaction. To continue from one day to the next in a detached, sombre resignation. that happiness is only a manufactured ideal based on myth. How is it really possible to reconcile a happy demeanor with reality? Does one need to pretend that one is happy for such an emotional pretense to manifest itself into plausible realism? The question I ought to be asking of myself is am I happy? I’d automatically respond by saying No! However is this autonmous repose an accurate or even truthful statement? If happiness is a myth perhaps the opposite is also myth. I couldn’t say with a definitive unmoving assertion that I am unhappy. If that were the case then it would be highly improbable that I would be here right now, ponderous and lame, mulling over questions that an absurd muse has dragged to my feet.

So it is that I am neither happy nor unhappy. I may be unhappy with certain aspects that constitute the daily bump and grind, however it perhaps does not define or even dictate the bigger picture. So what if I am displeased and unhappy with such and such events, right now I am relatively at ease if not happy. I dislike that word happy. People throw it around as if it were a badge of honour. All it is, is a word, describing a demeanor, emotion or fleeting moment. I have moments that are happy, or that come close to happiness. I am not a “happy go lucky” person. Happiness is relative and it is perhaps a distant relation of mine, certainly not originating from my extended family.

Are you happy?

Perhaps it is in the pursuit where the myth lives and breathes.

Happy hunting for that ideal.

Category : Uncategorized | Blog


Posted by Comments Off on Downloads

Waiting for a download to complete. It’s going so slow, damn Quake 4 patch at some dodgy GotFrag site. They want a subscription to download a patch where the download speed isn’t capped. Pff! Any way to make a buck. Isn’t that the moral of the story? I guess alls fair in love and war. And we be in war over the love of money. Economies need to be sustained. Especially mine 😉 Hence why I’m whinging about slow downloads because I am too tight to pay 3 bucks a month to some dodgy website to download a damn patch.

Anyways…time for bed soon.


Category : Uncategorized | Blog


Posted by Comments Off on Neglect!

How far can I neglect myself before something breaks? Even my blogging has even fallen by the wayside let alone any self care I may possess.

Obsessions are dragging me into a deeper mire of isolation, thitherto unseen for many a month. I am almost glad of this solitude that on the surface is not really solitude but mere wishful thinking. I am by no means alone. I have my father living with me! Arghh! I can only dream of a time when I can be alone. Totally alone! Desire is where my heart grows fonder. It is a ways off though, I am not that lucky to have solitude for extended periods. Perhaps it is a good thing, however it certainly does not feel like it is such a good thing. Time is not mine anymore. I am in servitude to the clock as it beats its incessant rhythm. Seemingly the Tick. Tick. Tick. is alerting me to some impending doom. That the tick tick tick will end. What have I accomplished? Indeed I have wasted the drum roll of time, thinking it a prelude to something more, a grand entrance to a time where I can introduce myself as something extraordinary.

Its absurd! A lie! The time is now! No grand entrances. Just this moment. Sitting here in front of you. Thinking out loud. Grasping. Faint glimpses of reality in fragemented and disjointed perspectives. Wanting. Wanting More! More of what though? I have everything. That isn’t true but I’ll tell you what I want. I want to know everything. I want the answers to it all. I want to know why? What I really want is to have some insight into why I am here. really! what is the purpose of me living and breathing, wasting, consuming, sitting here writing nonsense. Why are any of us here? Are we just vessels for a gene pool that will invariably become extinct? or are we here for some definitive purpose? Or am I just a superfluous entity that came into existence just because I could, in much the same way as moutaineers climb mountains, because they are there. Maybe we are just puppets to the deities above and below, servants to the lords of light and dark. Maybe we don’t even exist at all. Maybe we are but a dream.

Looping again. The wheels on the bus go round and round.

Category : Uncategorized | Blog

Quickie before He comes.

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If I wasn’t so disorganised and if I had my priorities firmly secured in normality; I would be safely tucked away catching some zzz’s. Yet I am far from normal…I am TwistedTripper. I keep butting my head against the wall of limitation. My limitations are being pushed by my obstinate desire to banish that accursed need…such a wasteful need, that need for sleep. A need I desperately require yet so want to control. Why do I need eight hours? Why can’t I function properly with just four? What if I push the boundaries a little further and aim for that elusive four hour barrier. Currently I am running at 6…Why not? Did we not have the desire to conquer the four minute mile. Is this not a comparative endeavour?

I am but a mere mortal and the 6 hour limitation seems to be just that. A limit. I haven’t the fortitude to conquer it. Besides what am I trying to achieve with this endless bombardment of deprivation? Is sleeping such a bad thing that I ought to bypass this natural inevitability. What damage is done when one limits the amount of sleep one gets?

Lower immunity. Prone to accidents perhaps. Liable to make more mistakes. Lower concentration levels. Greater concentration of caffeine pumping through the veins, arteries pulsing with artificial stimulation. Stress. Increased appetite created by hormonal shifts. The list goes one. However the madness is still evident. I am still awake! Go to sleep you moron.

Alas I hear His footsteps. I can hide no more. The SandMan cometh! He has waved his magic grains and my eyes are battling against his wretched curse. It is futile to resist. I am defeated.


Category : Uncategorized | Blog

Couldn’t wait any longer

Posted by Comments Off on Couldn’t wait any longer

Alas it is so…My inaction hs come to an end.

Heres a snap of my new rig.

If I waited a month or so more it would’ve been a superior incarnation, however it will suffice whilst I recoup some more finances and build another one. I will end up using this rig as a HTPC. In the meantime this little beast will serve as a gaming rig, which I find myself being drawn into, now that I have the hardware to cope with the demands of 3D graphics.

The specs are;
Gigabyte GA-K8NF9 Ultra MoBo
AMD 64 Athlon 3500+ Venice Core CPU
2 x 512Mb Hynix DDR 400 set up in Dual channel
320 G Western Digital Sata II HD
Gigabyte GV-NX76T256D-RH GeForce 7600GT Graphics Accelerator
BenQ DW1650 DVD burner
ThermalTake Sopranao case now with a ANTEC 480W TruePower II since the 430W PSU that came with the case blew up on me a week after I had the rig up and runnin.

I’ve been testing out this rig with some games and it’s an okay setup. No doubt there’s an abyss of hardware one could aspire to get that would cane FPS games. I’m an amateur gamer, in truth I’ve never been that interested but the bundled software that came with the GPU has sold me on the craft. I am now contemplating Over Clocking to gain that extra inch of performance out of this rig. I’ve never overclocked before so it is going to be a steep learning curve. Lots of research will need to take place before I rack up the courage to tinker around with clock speeds.

Will keep you posted in the coming weeks.

Category : Uncategorized | Blog