How many times in a day can one be revisited with the notion that this isn’t what I want. Of whether there is an inherent purpose in striving to repeat the same routine day in day out. I am even more perplexed and disillusioned by this herd existence when I face the problem that it is manufactured reality that is implanted into our psyche and is not a very smart way to map out a life path. Steve Pavlina’s 10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job extols the virtue of self employment and it is a hard idea to move away from once you’ve accepted the validity of the argument. Grinding away life at the millstones of some corporate machine is disheartening and almost obscene. The obscenity lies not in the way society is structured but by the eagerness in which we slaves contribute or subscribe to fate. Begrudging as it is, the idea that Steve expresses in Lifelong Domestication is fairly close to the truth in the serfdom we freely choose;

3. Lifelong domestication.

Getting a job is like enrolling in a human domestication program. You learn how to be a good pet.

Look around you. Really look. What do you see? Are these the surroundings of a free human being? Or are you living in a cage for unconscious animals? Have you fallen in love with the color beige?

How’s your obedience training coming along? Does your master reward your good behavior? Do you get disciplined if you fail to obey your master’s commands?

Is there any spark of free will left inside you? Or has your conditioning made you a pet for life?

Humans are not meant to be raised in cages. You poor thing…

The disillusionment I am unraveling in the constant ebb and flow of an imprisoned freedom is haunting. I watched the movie “The lives of Others” a few weeks ago and I came away from the movie thinking that life in this so called freedom is not that far removed from the control machine of a police state governed by the Stasi in the movie. In this multi media consumerist society we at the very least are controlled, not by direct manipulation and surveillance by a secret police but by electronic manipulators that send their feelers into the very synapses of the herd it wishes to manage. In blind faith we entrust our leaders to make our mass marketed freedom an essential commodity to ensue our happiness without even batting an eyelid as to whether this freedom is indeed what we want and need. Is this marketed freedom something we really desire? Is “lifelong domestication” of the herd what the leaders desire more so than the individuals that make the whole…society?

We seem so easily lead into apathy that I fear we a beginning to resemble drones. I fear that I am becoming a drone. Lead by the leash of capitalism and wealth, willing to sell my soul for domestication and I don’t like it. Freedom is not living the life I live and I feel trapped inside this powerless state. Powerlessness is sold as virtue in some circles and it is a sin in the twisted morality of this beholder.

The apathetic freedom of drones seems slightly ironic and is undoubtedly absurd. I am absurd. My life is absurd! What do I do about this outrage….nothing! Sweet FA! The inevitable futility is overwhelming. The moralist stance avails me nothing. There is no utopia that can be generated from imagination, only in song do such fantasies gain flight, embedding into consciousness and then dispersing as if in dream. This post is mere imagining and it serves no more use than what was gained in musical musings. Perhaps I can amuse an onlooker for a few brief moments but the “freedom trap” remains. Perhaps I can find refuge in Game Theory and the economists wet dream of selfish genes and “Fuck you buddy” and deceive myself into the fulfillment of domesticity in pursuit of slow and steady asset accumulation, forgetting any plausible escape from the dreary reality that slaps at my nostrils like a decaying fish. As a last campaign for my sanity I will hold out for the beat of revolution’s drum and marching of disillusioned feet.