Not a great deal to share tonight. So why bother writing is a question that is brought into the singularity of vision I possess? I have to do something and this process is something I enjoy as a way to gather my thoughts and to crystallise them in some way. Sometimes I’ll just free write until something pops into my head but nothing of real interest is presenting itself right at this moment. I seem to have more inspiration during working hours when I’m halfway lucid. I’ve had this chronic fatigue lately and it has made my mind vague and disinterested. I wish I could just have a constant influx of mania but it seems to come in waves followed with a down turn of energy, where I amass more information to avoid the one thing that would cure me of the listless fatigue that invades me; SLEEP!

Why insist on starving myself of this vital ingredient for mental health and indeed physical health is something I am only vaguely aware of. Part of the vigil of darkness I keep is due to having sold my soul to a corporate vampire and having some time to myself is a way to justify and validate my existence. I would seriously have to entertain the idea of disappearing if all my time was sold to my master, at least if I have the illusion of a couple of hours a day where my mind is taken out of hock, I can feel the glimmerings of a free agent.

Occasionally I envisage saving a considerable sum of money and then just taking a year off work to loaf around and work on writing something a little more worthwhile than just this blog. I could do this and the idea is very tempting, although I’d have to be a little more aggressive in my budgeting for it to happen in an immediate future. Whether it is something serious or merely day dreaming is another thing. Days like today are inspiring for such dreams. Life can be so oppressive when it seems that one is just living to work rather than working to live. What does it all mean when 50 years are lost just sleeping, eating and working? Is that what my purpose is, to be a machine for some entity? Being let off the leash on weekends and getting 20 days annual leave to what, just catch up on sleep?

I’m whining again and it serves no purpose other than to depress an already depressed and fatigued mind. Still if I take no action towards some goal then what do I really have to complain about? I can easily get trapped into this sort of woe is me thinking when in reality there are options available, but I want my cake and to eat it as well. Greed! Dreams! Slap. Reality. Scream.

Action. Action. Action. Not wishing but action. Done!