Archive for July, 2008


Sleep, Happiness and CSF

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My worst fears were validated in the Sydney Morning Herald (I gotta stop reading the newspaper) in an article entitled Happiness is … sleep, about funnily enough, sleep as the path to happiness. I can vouch for this hypothesis – I am constantly evading the Sandman and his stardust, and as a consequence I find myself unhappy, so it is obvious and pretty much self evident that the inverse must be true. However, sleep is one of those elusive things that is so hard to fit in to get enough of. As much as I’d love to spend my life in a cycle of just sleeping and working, it just doesn’t seem to work out for me. The problem is, I think, that my working life is so lacking in intellectual stimulation that I find myself or my head at least, yearning for some kind of fulfilment and in an effort to fill the un-fillable it seeks by way of an omnivorous appetite to devour information in an effort to obtain sustenance and meaning – even if at the cost of happiness and physical health.

Sleep does appear to have detrimental affects on metabolism and I pay the cost in more ways than just extreme bouts of fatigue – I crave sugar and junk food constantly to feed my body in its bio-rythmic shock. Although admittedly after some period of sustained self induced sleep deprivation my body revolts and forces me to get enough rest – like last night. I felt pretty good today and it has been a very long time since I’ve been almost enthusiastic about my day. I want too much, I can’t have alertness and semi contentedness while also wanting more time. That damned Sandman always demands the debt be paid in one way or another. I heard, I think on one of the Radio National – All in the mind podcasts that some very intelligent individuals in scientific circles are indulging in cognitive enhancing drugs, which some, like Ritalin allow for prolonged wakefulness. Yet others can enhance memory, so increasingly these types of drugs are being abused by the intellectual elite, university students and perhaps even secondary schooler’s to enhance performance, much in the same way as athletes use drugs to gain an edge.

I’m far removed from such elitism but I can definitely understand why some would want to use these substances to allow increased cognition over greater periods of time. Some would probably be outraged if they learned that some leading intellectual was partaking in a little boost but it doesn’t phase me in the least – hell I’d even be inclined to use them if I were in another time and place but the strongest drug I’m willing to indulge in right now is caffeine and nicotine. Not brainstorming chemicals but they will have to do for this tripper. But sleep may probably be the best cognitive enhancer I have at my disposal – too bad I don’t use this little helper more often but my livelihood doesn’t exactly require too much exertion on my old noggin.


If I were a renowned psychiatrist or chemist working for some multinational pharmaceutical corporation I could patent a new syndrome to add to the marketable diseases found on the shelf of any good Doctor’s surgery or on a poster at your local pharmacy. This new disease is what I coin as Chronic Sameness Fatigue (CSF). I believe such a disease exists and is prevalent – it generally manifests as a nodding off at work while doing the same thing over and over. Repetition depleting the soul of meaningful cause to remain alert. The ad campaign could be overheard on television…”Are you fatigued and tired. Do you suffer from a lack of concentration? Do your eyelids droop at the prospect of another 4 hours at your desk? Then you may be suffering Chronic Sameness Fatigue. Please consult your doctor for more information. There is help.”

Of course the cure will be repackaged drugs from yore – namely meth amphetamine – the old Black Beauty will resurface and a whole new generation will be feeling tweaked at their computer desks, geared up and ready to go. Chronic Sameness Fatigue will be a thing of the past, although the murder rate will invariably increase after office tweakers fall into drug induced psychosis but that will be for another ad campaign and a revival of Largactil and for the hip – Zyprexa. The Largactil shuffle will be a hit dance club anthem to drool and shuffle about to, on the dance floor.

Bring on the goey and cognitive enhancers 😉

Category : Rants | Blog

Disaffection or Dilemma?

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Fatigue has plagued me and I know not the cause. Depression? Disaffection? Both? Even so, my mind is still active in perpetual dialogue and for the most part it rallies with a stream or rather, a diatribe that wishes an end to the hopelessness that it seemingly is stuck in. How can I change the outlook for the future when the horizon looks the same as it did yesterday? Tomorrow it will look the same as it did today, that I am sure of even if everything else is uncertain. How can I predict the future? Well I can’t really, but seeing that we actively look for patterns and meaning, it is the human condition after all, I can only arrive at the conclusion that the pattern will resume from where it left off, considering that I’ll be doing exactly the same thing tomorrow as I did today. I can with 99.9 percent certainty predict it improbable that some existential shift between now and then will occur. Perhaps the only hope I can hold onto is that the damn Pilgrims will leave, at least then my journey to the mundane and predictable will be less flustered with superfluous others cramming the rail network.

The disaffection that haunts me is not that uncommon, The Sydney Morning Herald reported that “Aussies regret work choices” and according to a survey performed by Kelly Services –

71 per cent of Australians wished they had studied further while 48 per cent wished they had studied something totally different.

I can feel somewhat comforted by not being alone in my disaffection, although in all honesty it matters little to me that so many are in the same predicament. What matters is how do I get out? Two options are either I change my mentality or perception or I actively pursue an exit strategy. At the moment the grumbling and moaning isn’t working – my solution seems to be founded in a rather extreme and detrimental solution, namely that I pass away in my sleep so that I need not face another crippling day of sameness. If I follow this strategy I’ll spend a long time with unhappiness that is probably preventable. So which method am I to follow? Do I change my perception or do I pursue a new course to affect a new path?

Such are the dilemmas we face in this extraordinary ordinariness!

Category : Journal | Blog

Sins of the Father…and Bishop Fisher

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My oh my! The Catholics again shed their true colours. Denial isn’t a river in Egypt. Another Bishop is in on the conspiracy of denial – the outrageous comment by Bishop Fisher, “dwelling crankily on old wounds” is further proof of the denial that the Catholic Church is so fond of. Nevermind the absurd and dangerous doctrine of birth control, the perpetuity of denying the churches sexual abuse victims is absolutely vile. Just sweep it under the rug and it will go away. Excuse us but it is not going away because the church has no concept of the damage that their brethren are inflicting and are still inflicting. Comments like those of Bishop Fisher are unforgivable and are akin to driving salt in fresh wounds and it isn’t too far a stretch of the imagination that the wounds will always be a sore spot in the souls of the sufferers.

This Fisher character just takes the cake, the absolute arrogance of spiritual elitism that seems endemic to the upper echelons of the Catholic Church and I would argue a vast majority of churches, of whatever denomination, is where the problem lies. I can’t help but wonder what goes through the minds of these insensitive and inhumane men? Do they believe that the “old wounds” can simply be washed away if the victims just prayed to Jesus and that Jesus would then make it all go away? Is that the thinking by which they justify their denial? To think Bishop Fisher is the World Youth Day organiser, is this the face which young, impressionable youth are to look up to as a role model of spirituality? Is the spirituality of the Catholic faith a denial of humanity, a denial of the human condition with only room for an imaginary God that no matter what ought to be worshipped according to the tenets of denial? Is the Catholic faith so callous as to deny human beings of their humanity?

What exactly is the Catholic Church trying to protect with its denial? Even though the church has ostensibly admitted guilt it is vehemently treating itself as though innocent. It is not! It has a duty of care which it has demonstrably violated and by maintaining the appearance of repentance it is just injuring victims further. It needs to overhaul its policy by treating the victims of its insidious internal malfeasance with the validation and open heart which they deserve. No more caps on compensation. No more denial. No more treating victims as though they are the guilty. Stringent background and psychometric testing of would be priests.  The Pope saying sorry is not the be all that will bring about healing, it is merely a start and there appears a long way to go before the Catholic Church can be trusted.

Category : Rants | Blog

Pilgrimage to nowhere

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World Youth Day. Great. Just fucking great. Sydney’s gonna get swamped by “pilgrims” and why they’re called pilgrims is beyond the scope of my consciousness. If I get evangelised by these catholic pilgrims trying to inculcate me with their dogma, I’ll be liable to commit murder. It starts on my birthday…of all the days for these virus ridden minds to be swarming on, it has to be my birthday. What sort of pilgrimage is this World Youth Day anyway? The name sounds Gay to begin with…Sydney is hardly a destination for pilgrims to amass, wouldn’t they be better off having a pilgrimage to Jerusalem? Rather than the arse end of the world – so far removed from holiness as any place could be. Are they here to embrace the dream time and incorporate a new mythology into their doctrine, or are they here to celebrate half a million more suckers to line the pockets of Vatican’s head ponchos?

How do youths afford to travel across the globe for a religious cult recruitment drive anyway? How does a secular state become involved in this sham in the first place? How outrageous is it, that taxpayers are out laying $129 million for this; to think Australia is pandering to this religiosity is absurd, all this time I thought this country to be secular in nature – how wrong could one be? What puts the icing on the cake, is that we also have to gain permission to protest and we can’t even heckle the pilgrims for wasting our money on their evil doctrine. Couldn’t the pilgrims just stay in their own territory and swamp Rome with their fascist pro-AIDS propaganda? Too many questions and tonight on ABC Lateline we learn that the head poncho of the Catholic Church in Australia, Cardinal Pell, plays God while ostensibly flipping a coin to determine whose sexual abuse by pedo priests gets validated. It makes me sick!

The whole Catholic faith needs to be eradicated, it’s just far too dangerous for gullible people to allow their children to be indoctrinated into a cult, that seems to be a paedophile breeding ground. The culture of denial that the church represents ought to send warning bells to all that are so eager to believe the false doctrine, of guilt and sin the catholic virus instils in its victims. One ought to armour themselves with a good dose of scepticism before even thinking of entering the vestibule of any cathedral, lest some filthy sexual wolf posing as lamb dressed in black cloth lay claim to your offspring.

Other absurd goings on is the laughable Crime Commission selling 7kg of cocaine to the public. It’s apparent that the War on Drugs is a joke! Filling gaols with petty dealers and drug users committing theft to fuel an addiction, while the Crime Commission bags up kilos of coke to offload onto the streets, seems like some profound paradox, one that Jesus would likely sermonise on a mount. To fight fire with fire; ostensibly the motto of successful drug law enforcement. The classic on Four Corners tonight was when detectives had performed  research that cocaine never killed anyone, so it was reasonable to package up cocaine for distribution onto the streets, straight to an upmarket club near you. No doubt the punters at Sugar Reef nightclub treated their noses to some of Crime Commissions finest candy that day. What hypocrisy!

Between Cardinals endorsing paedophilia and Crime Commissions endorsing cocaine use, one can only wonder if the old adage of “War is Peace; Freedom is Slavery; Ignorance is Strength.” is the guide to understanding the world of today?

The mind boggles.

Category : Rants | Blog

Time marching on…but to where?

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The nightmare continues…..How vile this slavery seems to be. Each day I am left wondering why I am here? For what good is it that I forfeit so much time to earn so little in reparation. I mean not so much in fiscal terms, although it has to be said that the monies that come my way don’t add up to the true value of time spent and how can it?. How much is time worth? And is there any recompense that can adequately satisfy a life? Because lets not devalue time – it is the measure of life. So much time seems wasted already and I have the dreadful feeling that I am stuck in this perpetual pit of machinery churning out someone else’s definition of meaningfulness.

I feel stuck – a prisoner of familiarity and of a skill set that has little way of developing further or advancing into something greater. I’m not only wasting my time but that of my employer, although I can do what I do adequately on on some occasions even excel, but for the most part I am on some kind of auto pilot, with my heart and soul far away from the task at hand. No amount of financial reward is really going to make me happier doing what I do. If that was all it took I could easily fix that by packing up shop and going over to some mining operation in Western Australia and be paid 65 dollars plus an hour but I’d still be doing the same thing and it is my job that is so dissatisfying. Not that it is a bad job but it is a job that is repetitious and not very fulfilling intellectually nor creatively.

The pass of Time by Victor Nuno

I’ve got to get out and change to something more interesting before I crack up. But that is another daunting task – I’m full of complaints tonight but my mind is caught in this loop where I know exactly why I feel so wretched with life but at the same time so powerless or unmotivated to change. I keep coming up to this same point – over and over again I find myself hating the life I have and it is almost criminal to think the way I do considering I’m so incredibly fortunate in so many ways.

Well I guess time will tell if I can mobilise myself out of the rut and actually do something other than whinge about the injustice of it all.

Category : Journal | Blog