Fatigue has plagued me and I know not the cause. Depression? Disaffection? Both? Even so, my mind is still active in perpetual dialogue and for the most part it rallies with a stream or rather, a diatribe that wishes an end to the hopelessness that it seemingly is stuck in. How can I change the outlook for the future when the horizon looks the same as it did yesterday? Tomorrow it will look the same as it did today, that I am sure of even if everything else is uncertain. How can I predict the future? Well I can’t really, but seeing that we actively look for patterns and meaning, it is the human condition after all, I can only arrive at the conclusion that the pattern will resume from where it left off, considering that I’ll be doing exactly the same thing tomorrow as I did today. I can with 99.9 percent certainty predict it improbable that some existential shift between now and then will occur. Perhaps the only hope I can hold onto is that the damn Pilgrims will leave, at least then my journey to the mundane and predictable will be less flustered with superfluous others cramming the rail network.

The disaffection that haunts me is not that uncommon, The Sydney Morning Herald reported that “Aussies regret work choices” and according to a survey performed by Kelly Services -

71 per cent of Australians wished they had studied further while 48 per cent wished they had studied something totally different.

I can feel somewhat comforted by not being alone in my disaffection, although in all honesty it matters little to me that so many are in the same predicament. What matters is how do I get out? Two options are either I change my mentality or perception or I actively pursue an exit strategy. At the moment the grumbling and moaning isn’t working – my solution seems to be founded in a rather extreme and detrimental solution, namely that I pass away in my sleep so that I need not face another crippling day of sameness. If I follow this strategy I’ll spend a long time with unhappiness that is probably preventable. So which method am I to follow? Do I change my perception or do I pursue a new course to affect a new path?

Such are the dilemmas we face in this extraordinary ordinariness!