My worst fears were validated in the Sydney Morning Herald (I gotta stop reading the newspaper) in an article entitled Happiness is … sleep, about funnily enough, sleep as the path to happiness. I can vouch for this hypothesis – I am constantly evading the Sandman and his stardust, and as a consequence I find myself unhappy, so it is obvious and pretty much self evident that the inverse must be true. However, sleep is one of those elusive things that is so hard to fit in to get enough of. As much as I’d love to spend my life in a cycle of just sleeping and working, it just doesn’t seem to work out for me. The problem is, I think, that my working life is so lacking in intellectual stimulation that I find myself or my head at least, yearning for some kind of fulfilment and in an effort to fill the un-fillable it seeks by way of an omnivorous appetite to devour information in an effort to obtain sustenance and meaning – even if at the cost of happiness and physical health.

Sleep does appear to have detrimental affects on metabolism and I pay the cost in more ways than just extreme bouts of fatigue – I crave sugar and junk food constantly to feed my body in its bio-rythmic shock. Although admittedly after some period of sustained self induced sleep deprivation my body revolts and forces me to get enough rest – like last night. I felt pretty good today and it has been a very long time since I’ve been almost enthusiastic about my day. I want too much, I can’t have alertness and semi contentedness while also wanting more time. That damned Sandman always demands the debt be paid in one way or another. I heard, I think on one of the Radio National – All in the mind podcasts that some very intelligent individuals in scientific circles are indulging in cognitive enhancing drugs, which some, like Ritalin allow for prolonged wakefulness. Yet others can enhance memory, so increasingly these types of drugs are being abused by the intellectual elite, university students and perhaps even secondary schooler’s to enhance performance, much in the same way as athletes use drugs to gain an edge.

I’m far removed from such elitism but I can definitely understand why some would want to use these substances to allow increased cognition over greater periods of time. Some would probably be outraged if they learned that some leading intellectual was partaking in a little boost but it doesn’t phase me in the least – hell I’d even be inclined to use them if I were in another time and place but the strongest drug I’m willing to indulge in right now is caffeine and nicotine. Not brainstorming chemicals but they will have to do for this tripper. But sleep may probably be the best cognitive enhancer I have at my disposal – too bad I don’t use this little helper more often but my livelihood doesn’t exactly require too much exertion on my old noggin.

CSF

If I were a renowned psychiatrist or chemist working for some multinational pharmaceutical corporation I could patent a new syndrome to add to the marketable diseases found on the shelf of any good Doctor’s surgery or on a poster at your local pharmacy. This new disease is what I coin as Chronic Sameness Fatigue (CSF). I believe such a disease exists and is prevalent – it generally manifests as a nodding off at work while doing the same thing over and over. Repetition depleting the soul of meaningful cause to remain alert. The ad campaign could be overheard on television…”Are you fatigued and tired. Do you suffer from a lack of concentration? Do your eyelids droop at the prospect of another 4 hours at your desk? Then you may be suffering Chronic Sameness Fatigue. Please consult your doctor for more information. There is help.”

Of course the cure will be repackaged drugs from yore – namely meth amphetamine – the old Black Beauty will resurface and a whole new generation will be feeling tweaked at their computer desks, geared up and ready to go. Chronic Sameness Fatigue will be a thing of the past, although the murder rate will invariably increase after office tweakers fall into drug induced psychosis but that will be for another ad campaign and a revival of Largactil and for the hip – Zyprexa. The Largactil shuffle will be a hit dance club anthem to drool and shuffle about to, on the dance floor.

Bring on the goey and cognitive enhancers