Another day goes by and nothing has happened. Events happen but it seems that each day is essentially the same. Sometimes I’m eager that something should happen but nothing ever does and when I think about it, there is absolutely nothing that can happen. That sounds a little over dramatic or excessive, boldly stating that nothing can happen but what is there that can? Seriously? Isn’t that why we create dramas within our minds, imagining some terrible outcome about arise and preparing ourselves for some misfortune. I’m pessimistic so I’m endlessly embodied within some catastrophe about to unfold but it could be that the opposite is true that you, the optimist, may be be confabulating the great fortune that you are about to receive. Perhaps I am merely projecting my own fanatical thinking upon a wider population which is totally errant and ill conceived, however I am of the opinion that human beings are for the most part selfish in nature and more often than not preoccupied with self. Well there are perhaps exceptions to the rule but the majority of people, I think, are in a constant dialogue with themselves over the events that are taking place and how it relates to them.

Call me cynical and I won’t deny it, but in all honesty if you examine the last 24 hours how much time was spent thinking about yourself? I’ll confess that pretty much the whole of the time that I’ve been conscious today has been thinking about me. But I’ll grant you that I am an exceptionally self absorbed individual and I’d say even narcissitic but that wouldn’t be correct in the true sense of the word. I know I am not painting a flattering image of myself and it is probably a caricature of my  flaws and how I see myself at moments of weakness but it is perhaps a telling indication of the level of involvement that I place on self. My excuse is only that I derive some senseless satisfaction from it and that it is a nasty habit I’ve developed and perhaps even a malady of my depraved mind,  like a parasite that has attached itself into the deepest caverns of consciousness, feasting upon the abundance and indulging itself on self.

But that isn’t to say that something won’t happen tomorrow, I know that I can certainly imagine some abominable event which could befall me and give me something at least to justify my deepest fears. But I can also imagine that it will be just another day. Now I’m not sure which is the lesser of two evils, nothing happening or something happening. You can begin to picture the anguish I face with having this uncertainty. That terrible something or that equally mediocre and deadening nothing. Which would you choose? I bet you’d think that tomorrow will be a great day but how can you be sure, isn’t there something that could go wrong? Just a tiny little thing that you couldn’t try and inflate and examine with a fine tooth comb, looking for the forensic evidence to prop up the self indulgence of thinking about yourself?