I keep thinking how bad the economic downturn will be next year and it is easy to envisage a dire scenario where unemployment will be a reality. Already the company I work for are laying off contract staff and by the end of this year they’ll all be gone. Next year’s outlook doesn’t look very promising and I’m left wondering how long before it’s my turn to start queuing up at the dole office? I also wonder if I ought to be putting in extra effort to brown nose to give myself some edge or in some way a level of confidence and assurance that I won’t be the first person given the flick but is it a strategy that will really work? I somehow don’t think it will bear a great deal of significance one way or another, although I should be giving more effort than I have been regardless because I can tend to become a little unfocused and slack. When push comes to shove I can put in extra to achieve an outcome but it seems that it is becoming increasingly more apparent to me that I am slacking off a little too much. Can I pull myself out of this rut I keep finding myself in?

I don’t know but what I do know is that my heart and soul has long evaporated from the job that I do and I fail to see any compelling reason to sell my soul to a corporation that really has it’s own self interest at stake and no matter how much one is willing to give, when the threat of survival is present, it will serve its own benefit before those that rely on it for survival. That is simply the nature of the beast and is no different from the individual perspective. There are no assurances when the shit hits the fan and if things become that catastrophic then perhaps there will be people who pull the shortest straw and those that don’t but depending on how bad things go the straws will invariably become shorter and shorter.

In the end what good will worrying do? None! Unless I gain access to a reliable crystal ball then all the speculation regarding future events are merely mind games that only detract from what is real and that is today, right here and right now. With the games I play in my mind, imagining a possible future where catastrophic events are inevitable I only do myself a disservice by adding anxiety that is unnecessary and undesirable. When my mind goes into the future it is never a pleasant place so why do I do it? To prepare myself for the pain I will feel I guess but it is a pointless waste of energy that could be better placed with more constructive expenditure. Although employment security has been playing on my mind it is not the most pressing concern or activity that has taken my mind hostage, that is reserved to researching audio equipment that has preoccupied my thoughts with something other than doom and gloom.

What if? The question that is possibly the most futile question to ever be asked. What if? What if I lose my job? What if I can’t find another? What if I haven’t got an income? What if I lose everything? What if I become homeless? There it is the progression of what if. What if I become homeless? Well a question that is rather unpleasant to contemplate but even more difficult to imagine in any real sense considering I’ve never been homeless. I can imagine that I would be feeling pretty low, depressed and scared. I’d probably feel like the worlds biggest loser and possibly inhuman in some way. I might feel totally destitute and hopeless. I might even feel angry, lonely and hungry. OK so what if I feel all those things? What would it mean in the grand scheme of things? Could I survive? Others have and have regained their status for what it’s worth. Would I somehow be less capable than those that have survived such devastation? What if none of that is likely to happen? The worst case scenario is that I lose everything but do material things define who I am? Or do they merely give me a false sense worthiness by superficially declaring to the world of my status and success? That’s what the fear of losing everything amounts to, the loss of social status and of being looked down upon as being unworthy, along with the pain of the existential experience but I’d say more so because of the former. Some people even choose to end their lives because of it and it is sad that so much of our lives and identities are tied to the status of being enslaved to consumerist materialism, of being seen to be enmeshed in the grid of capitalism and how far up the ladder we are in the pyramid scheme. It is understandable that some people would rather die than face the possibility of being turned away from the social group they are accustomed to being in. It may seem absurd but surely that is why suicide rates increase with economic loss and it certainly makes one wonder at the the fragility of life when a set of seemingly superficial and extraneous circumstance can compel someone to rather die than experience loss of status. We all have our self destruct button even if we like to believe that we are immune to such folly. Press the right buttons and even the best of us is liable to crumble, nature will take care of it once it realises that our usefulness has expired.

It is a fearful proposition and it is not something enjoyable to presuppose but it may become reality in a particular set of circumstances. The head games that leave me contemplating the absolute worse possible outcome in any situation often robs me of the moment but it isn’t without some intrigue as well – to imagine in what way I could survive. Although I wouldn’t want to experience it first hand it is the domain of many in this world and one that could, given a set of unprecedented circumstances, eventuate; although unlikely given that I do have a place to go in the event of catastrophe and that is with family. In a way it curbs the worry of uncertainty because what can I do if things became so bad as the worst happened? Not much and besides there is an awful long progression and journey for it to end in this way and trying to imagine all possible happenings requires far too much energy and creativity to think about so I’m left with no option but to think about something else.

So the moral of this story is; when the question of what if begins to rear its head, cut to the chase and think of the worst possible outcome. Now try and construct the whole journey to that end and see how long before you lose interest and say Bah! What nonsense!