I recently configured my home email account through my ISP to send me a held report from the spam filter, so I could be sure I wasn’t missing important emails. But really, who am I kidding, it will be a cold day in Hell before I get an important email to even be missed. But it was highly amusing and well worth the laugh when I got the report tonight.

In one email the subject title reads:

“Your cock size will be written on your forehead.”

That is absolute gold. I loved it and it made me actually laugh out loud. I can just imagine the pathetic lonely heart sitting at their desk who reads this heading and agrees that there perpetual loneliness and inability to get laid is all because they believe this beautiful subject one liner. In all likely hood their penis is of average size, which I believe is a mere 5 to 6 inches when fully erect, but their insecurity is directly proportional to the belief that penile length is the culprit for the lonely bed they find themselves in. I can only make the assumption that the email actually contains some magic potion or method of getting a bigger dick and the spruik will no doubt entail a grandiose vision that with a big dick you’ll pull chicks like a modern day Casanova.

Seriously though, are we as men, truly as depraved as this spam suggests, to think that the size of our dicks bears any resemblance to how successful we are in getting laid?  I know we can suffer in the fantasy of being as well endowed as the freaks that frequent our Porn collections and that having an appendage fitting of a horse will ultimately inspire women drop to their knees worshipping the phallic God between our legs, but when the brief  moment of male domination fantasy is over, we accept what we have, knowing that it isn’t size but how well you use it. I know what you’re thinking, only losers with small dicks will ever say that but I assure you that my appendage is firm and in proportion to my size and well lets just say that my shirt size is XL. And as we all know, when it is in writing it is embedded as truth. *smiles cheekily*

So what can we do, as males, to eliminate this false ideology that size matters? Surely in this scientific age no one is gullible enough to believe the preposterous idea that a magic potion or contraption will increase the size of your dick? Seriously we can’t be so foolish to believe such nonsense. The male ego couldn’t be manipulated merely by a propagated  insecurity and taken advantage of by lowly spammers, surely this isn’t the case. Please tell me that no one is that stupid! But my fears are that our already fractured image is irreparably damaged by fools who get sucked in by an easy way to fulfil the desire to achieve Casanova status. Face the facts it is a Lie! Period! Even if you had a dick the size of an Elephant you still won’t get laid because you’ll be carrying around this disgusting lump of meat that is useless because it won’t fit.

In all seriousness, if in the unimaginable sceanrio someone out  there finds themselves clicking the links in spam, Please Don’t believe the hype. Your dick is normal but your self image needs improving. See a shrink or psych but don’t buy that ants piss in a bottle, it’ll deflate your wallet and ego further and it won’t make your dick bigger, only surgery can do that, but it will probably end up as a mangled mess afterwards. If nothing else, Mrs Palmer loves your size no matter what anyone else says.