16
Jul

Another year has passed and I am ever the more detached from what these whole 36 years have been about. I live in momentary fragments of time that stitch together to form a life, however if I examine these pieces in detail they really have no cause or use. I’m somehow just a branch in the tree of life and a branch is probably stretching the truth into a grandiosity that is unwarranted. The insignificance that represents this time I’ve consumed is probably testimony to what we all share, more or less. Although in rare moments a larger leaf may form upon a lone branch that changes the course of events, I can safely say that this leaf will drop and be swept away with an autumn breeze grazing upon isle of time without impression.

I say this not in a self piteous way but merely as a statement of fact. I celebrated my birthday yesterday and I really enjoyed the day as a moment that I owned. I received no phone calls wishing me happy birthday, no cards or mementoes, apart from an email from my Dad. My Mum, Brother and Sister, no word nor sound, to be fair my dad sent his birthday wishes from mum also. I don’t advertise these events so I am relying on the memory circuits of family and I do understand that things can get difficult and hectic especially in the dysfunctional lives of my kin. My circle of friends is a constricted one and I have no ill feelings that they didn’t realise because I didn’t announce the day in advance. I’m only mentioning this in passing, perhaps only as a memento to myself because the interesting thing and perhaps of concern is the relationship I have with this network of electronic nerve endings; it actually remembered my birthday. Three forums that I subscribe to, wished me a happy birthday.

It is more than anything an indictment against myself if it can be described as an indictable offence. I probably have a more intimate relationship with machines than I do with humanity. It is not so alarming to myself however I may be criticised for this sub human fetish and be accused of some crime or misdemeanor. Machines are safe and relatively risk free, they don’t badger me for answers. I’m not accountable to a lifeless machine. I can have some control over them. I have no control over other people. Machines don’t tell me that I’m not up to standard. They don’t criticise me.

And they wish me happy birthday when everyone else forgets. 🙂

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