13
May

Insomnia. My mind is in ruins from not having time in the nether world of sleep. It was somewhere around 4am last night that I finally fell into that blissful state, or 4am this morning, if I’m to be pedantic about technicalities. If that wasn’t bad enough, Sunday saw to it that I received Nada by way of rest and recouping the savages of late night obsessive pondering. So I have but a handful of hours in unconscious lassitude and still I feel the compulsion to sway with the midnight candle as it flutters away time. It’s complete self disintegration, I know if I burn that candle then the fabric of reality will begin to distort and fray, around its edges. Hallucination will kick in sometime in the wee hours of this morning or perhaps tomorrow I’ll merely collapse from exhaustion. Nothing in comparison to the battle I’m still waging with those woeful microbes that will not leave, even after I’ve made it clear to them, that they have overstayed their welcome. Maybe that is just deluded thinking, clouded from not sleeping. Why would the bacteria leave when I provide such unsanitary means for them to replicate and feast, after all it seems as though the immune system is healthiest in a well rested body. But for all the good intentions of getting to bed early, my mind just doesn’t want to play ball.

It’s unusual that I have a “double-up” on insomnious nights but not way out of the ordinary, its rather more uncommon for a trifecta to appear but I’m hoping that a hat trick isn’t in store for me tonight. I really need to look into this self abuse I seem have no trouble in performing. The problem is that I haven’t the willingness to allow myself a wind down. I can prescribe myself a cure to this self abuse, which would entail;

  • No reading or information absorption after a set time, say 10:30pm – mental stimulation has a detrimental affect on my ability to fall asleep.
  • No caffeine after 5pm. Some form of exercise, ideally on a daily basis but 4 to 5 days would be okay.
  • Eat properly, no quick and easy dinners.
  • Endeavouring to wake at the same time 7 days a week, no excuses.

The trouble is I know what I need to do but starting the routine seems to be where I stumble. I want my cake and to not eat it seems like a waste. My starting point has to be the exercise routine, I’ve become so lazy over the last couple of years since I had a routine in motion. If I can reestablish getting out of the house when I get home from work then at least some of the other things on my list will follow.

Now all I have to do is get over this bug that is sucking me dry.

Category : Journal

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