The nightmare continues…..How vile this slavery seems to be. Each day I am left wondering why I am here? For what good is it that I forfeit so much time to earn so little in reparation. I mean not so much in fiscal terms, although it has to be said that the monies that come my way don’t add up to the true value of time spent and how can it?. How much is time worth? And is there any recompense that can adequately satisfy a life? Because lets not devalue time – it is the measure of life. So much time seems wasted already and I have the dreadful feeling that I am stuck in this perpetual pit of machinery churning out someone else’s definition of meaningfulness.

I feel stuck – a prisoner of familiarity and of a skill set that has little way of developing further or advancing into something greater. I’m not only wasting my time but that of my employer, although I can do what I do adequately on on some occasions even excel, but for the most part I am on some kind of auto pilot, with my heart and soul far away from the task at hand. No amount of financial reward is really going to make me happier doing what I do. If that was all it took I could easily fix that by packing up shop and going over to some mining operation in Western Australia and be paid 65 dollars plus an hour but I’d still be doing the same thing and it is my job that is so dissatisfying. Not that it is a bad job but it is a job that is repetitious and not very fulfilling intellectually nor creatively.

The pass of Time by Victor Nuno

I’ve got to get out and change to something more interesting before I crack up. But that is another daunting task – I’m full of complaints tonight but my mind is caught in this loop where I know exactly why I feel so wretched with life but at the same time so powerless or unmotivated to change. I keep coming up to this same point – over and over again I find myself hating the life I have and it is almost criminal to think the way I do considering I’m so incredibly fortunate in so many ways.

Well I guess time will tell if I can mobilise myself out of the rut and actually do something other than whinge about the injustice of it all.

Category : Journal

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