Archive for May, 2008

I was tempted to sign up to facebook the other night but I quickly realised the folly of such a desperate measure. In truth I merely wanted to poke around at peoples profiles, just to see what all the fuss is about and to generally have a sticky beak. But having to sign up just for the privledge seems a little too drastic for a nights entertainment. Ah well I’ll just have to make do with being kept in the dark to the goings on in social networking sphere. I’m still not quite sure of why these things are so popular and it makes me wonder if I’m missing out on all the action by just having my own little space kept in the closet of cyber space, away from the hype and mainstream.

I remember last year when I was mentally unstable, doing the same thing with Myspace, except I actually signed up and made a profile; but it all came to decay when I realised the grave error of judgment I’d made. All the cacophony of creating a profile based on some geeks vision of coolness just gave me the shits and the ultimate humiliation was when that fucker Tom added himself as a friend? Did I want that cockhead as a friend? No fucking way! Anyway my foray into social networking ended as soon as it began, disgusted with myself for wavering to temptation in a moment of weakness, I deleted the profile. I learnt this time from past folly and managed to disavow myself from becoming another victim of social networking. Surely it isn’t good, after all teenage girls seem to neck themselves when my-spacing out.

This economy stuff is interesting, being the news junkie that I am, I find it enlightening when the news and current affairs programs invariably get to economy reporting. The balancing and juggling act of a global monetary system has a theatric essence, while it filters down the chain, the soap opera of the likes of you and I seem to pulled by the puppet masters who yank at invisible strings. Doom and gloom seems inevitable, if it isn’t already upon us. I get the distinct impression that things may worsen over the next year.

The jist of the unfolding drama seems to have an apocalyptic end in store, although the yay sayers have a more optimistic vision for the future or maybe they just prefer denial over the reality of this looming doom. I have no idea when it comes to economics and how it all works but its fascinating watching interviews with power brokers and analysts, hearing their take on where things are going. There is a certain amount of fear mongering that seems to take place and I’m never quite sure what purpose this fear is utilised for, if indeed it is just scare mongering for the sake of manipulation. It seems like a game, a game of monopoly where trades are taking place with this fake money and one could imagine that people in power like to instill fear so that the fake-ness of it all can be kept in the dark and as a consequence all the more value is added to the fraud.

Doesn’t it just seem absurd that we give so much value to what essentially amounts to a piece of paper? It’s funny that this piece of paper can have a certain value one day and then the next, it has less or more, all because someone says so. Its like the sub-prime mortgage scam that was instigated by greedy banks, wasn’t that just a small example of the phoniness of this money? But we can’t live without it and it seemingly gives a more comfortable existence even if it doesn’t buy happiness. Although it possesses an evilness if allowed to possess it is the system that is here to stay – so why not indulge in the meaninglessness of it and wish a fuller back pocket?

As an observer I am constantly challenged by the charade that seems to be perpetuated by authority figures. I have to look twice on occasion and wonder if the person selling some idea actually believes the tale he is elaborating or whether he knows full well that the confabulation is just a colourful story.

I recently listened to an audio book, The Coming Economic Collapse: How You Can Thrive When Oil Costs $200 a Barrel and having oil prices rising now to 130 plus dollars it makes me wonder whether peak oil is causing the current soaring price. Wall street seems to be in denial over this phenomena. It seems that everyone just wants to bury their heads in the sand and hope against the evidence that oil is becoming a rare commodity. It actually has me concerned because if peak oil is a reality then we are certainly looking at some pretty devastating consequences by burying our heads in the oil sands as it were; we are in effect digging our own graves. It’s not even about the inconvenience of prices at the pumps and the already strained budgets that some of us have to deal with. It becomes a matter of survival, because oil infiltrates the bare necessities of our lives. Without oil everything begins to unravel – never mind hoping into the car and traveling to the shops to buy the groceries, there just won’t be any groceries to buy; period. Downscaling of society will all of a sudden be upon us and we will be unprepared. It won’t be pretty, we’ll soon see how much of an animal we truly are when faced with utter desperation.

Hopefully we’ll be able to see beyond the immediate future and begin to invest greater resources into finding alternatives to oil. But we may have to see some real hardship before we pull our heads out of the sand.

Insomnia. My mind is in ruins from not having time in the nether world of sleep. It was somewhere around 4am last night that I finally fell into that blissful state, or 4am this morning, if I’m to be pedantic about technicalities. If that wasn’t bad enough, Sunday saw to it that I received Nada by way of rest and recouping the savages of late night obsessive pondering. So I have but a handful of hours in unconscious lassitude and still I feel the compulsion to sway with the midnight candle as it flutters away time. It’s complete self disintegration, I know if I burn that candle then the fabric of reality will begin to distort and fray, around its edges. Hallucination will kick in sometime in the wee hours of this morning or perhaps tomorrow I’ll merely collapse from exhaustion. Nothing in comparison to the battle I’m still waging with those woeful microbes that will not leave, even after I’ve made it clear to them, that they have overstayed their welcome. Maybe that is just deluded thinking, clouded from not sleeping. Why would the bacteria leave when I provide such unsanitary means for them to replicate and feast, after all it seems as though the immune system is healthiest in a well rested body. But for all the good intentions of getting to bed early, my mind just doesn’t want to play ball.

It’s unusual that I have a “double-up” on insomnious nights but not way out of the ordinary, its rather more uncommon for a trifecta to appear but I’m hoping that a hat trick isn’t in store for me tonight. I really need to look into this self abuse I seem have no trouble in performing. The problem is that I haven’t the willingness to allow myself a wind down. I can prescribe myself a cure to this self abuse, which would entail;

• No reading or information absorption after a set time, say 10:30pm – mental stimulation has a detrimental affect on my ability to fall asleep.
• No caffeine after 5pm. Some form of exercise, ideally on a daily basis but 4 to 5 days would be okay.
• Eat properly, no quick and easy dinners.
• Endeavouring to wake at the same time 7 days a week, no excuses.

The trouble is I know what I need to do but starting the routine seems to be where I stumble. I want my cake and to not eat it seems like a waste. My starting point has to be the exercise routine, I’ve become so lazy over the last couple of years since I had a routine in motion. If I can reestablish getting out of the house when I get home from work then at least some of the other things on my list will follow.

Now all I have to do is get over this bug that is sucking me dry.

Not a very inspiring day today. I’m not all that driven to write but what’s the point of having a blog if I’m not gonna fill up the memory hole with fresh new adventures and drivel. Nothing notable happened today and maybe it is why I feel the dregs of the void pulling at me, trying to suck me into the abyss; but I’m fighting gravity with what little strength I possess. Actually I feel like falling into it and letting it take me into whatever realm it sees fit. In truth I feel like a boost, but the sort of boost I desire is not of this world, rather a synthesis from it. An enhancement that is not of natural means. However, it is futile allowing myself to be swept away with whimsical fancies when the consequences of reaching for the sun is more than a bad case of sun burn.

The cunning little devil fueling my flight into madness is whispering her lies into my ears, trying a seduction that is too old and weary to be taken seriously. Yet, it’s curious that she has awoken after such a long slumber. Perhaps she never sleeps with full unconscious abandonment. Always the opportunist, awaiting moments of weakness to suggest one more flirtatious fling, a dance for old times sake. As long as I don’t become too tired I should be able to quell her unwanted advances but one can never be too sure. If I’m to believe the soothsayers then the old she-devil is out doing push ups while I sleep, but I have trouble picturing a devil really needing physical exertion to build muscle mass and it seems to me muscle bulk is not really a part of her appeal or strength anyway. Her real appeal lies in the promises of uncovering the secret, the promise of unraveling the veil that shrouds her dark eyes so that one may peer into the abyss and see the unseen. To clasp reality in the palms of ones hands; to posses and shape it as if it were a lump of clay. To be able fly with the gods and not be concerned with the trivialities of humanity. To become more than human. That is what she offers but cannot deliver. As the seduction unfolds so too does one’s sanity, the price that is ultimately paid to see what cannot be seen.

Alas, the truth turns out to be lies and once caught in her spell it is difficult to relinquish yourself from it. But still, sometimes lies are more preferable to the mediocre. I guess that is why she is persistent and never willing to entirely disappear from memory, because having had carnal knowledge of the mind, she does possess the advantage of pulling a trick or two in times of unwary listlessness.